Mom and I are fine now.
For those of you who are my regular readers, to which I say, "Thanks! :-D"; last week I posted the bit about my mom accusing me of stealing from her, which was TOTALLY FALSE.
Well, she finally got me on the phone. I didn't want to call her because I knew we would have a fight; and I didn't want to fight with my mother. Sure enough, just as I expected, she wouldn't listen to me and she started screaming at me, true to my mothers' form. I hung up on her. I'm a grown woman and my hearing is still intact, even after 8 ruptured eardrums and tons of loud music in the 80's and 90's (and occasionally these days when I have the car to myself. :-D) I don't need to be yelled at and I don't have to take it anymore.
Thankfully, I don't live in her house anymore. She'd say the same thing too.
Anyway, I called David. Again, like last time, she cut me to the bone. I told Dave that I wanted to change my phone number so she couldn't get a hold of me. I couldn't take it anymore, that she was breaking my heart. With me being this upset, it made Owen upset to see his mommy crying. In his 4 1/2 year old way, he tried to "fix" it. (He's such a little man.) Dave was wonderful and supportive, as usual. He always knows what to say.
While I was talking to Dave, mom called and left a message. She said she was sorry (which is a huge deal, she almost never apologizes) and to call her back. I took a BIG breath and readied myself for the onslaught. I called her back and like a good girl, I apologized for yelling back (I screamed an unrecognizable word into the phone just before I hung up on her, not proud of that...). She said if I had just called her right back, we could have settled this matter days ago. True. I told her that I didn't want to fight with her and at the time I was so angry and hurt by her that I couldn't speak to her. We settled the details about the silver. I told her that if she would feel better, she could have it back when we come down for Paul's funeral. (David is adamant that we shouldn't have to make a special trip to give her back something that she gave us almost 10 years ago. He said, "If she wants it, She has to come and get it." He's right of course.)
She told me to keep it. She was just really upset that I would take it out of her house when she wasn't there. Now here is where she was totally screwed up in the details. I told her 4 times that she was there and so was Dad, Dave, Kathey, Paul, Sarah, Shannon, she had a full house when she gave us the box; and that she was handing it over so she "wouldn't forget". I told her that I don't go to her house unless she and Daddy are there. (It's a 1 1/2 hour trip, one way.) I told her, what's the use in me coming to her house when they weren't there? She seemed to find the sense in the utterance, Thank you God!
Of course all the time I'm talking to her I'm crying off and on. I told her how bad it hurt me that "My own mother doesn't trust me and accuses me of stealing from her." and "That she is breaking my heart." "The box of silver is just stuff and what I really want is my mother, I love my mother, not the box of stuff."
I think she heard me at last. She told me that I was the only one who did want her around. I told her that she is my mom and I'll always love her, no matter what.
Well after that, the conversation turned into how she came to the conclusion that I took it without her knowledge. Come to find out, (dahn,dahn, daaaahhhhnnnn) my nosy ass niece, Shannon, told her I had the silver, but didn't tell mom the whole truth, which was that Mom GAVE it to me forever ago. So of course, that got mom all roiled-up and upset. (Shannon, if you are reading this, you need to stop doing that. It's NOT good for mom's health and NOT good for our relationships with her.) btw: I'm not mad at you Shan, just tired of this repeat behavior. :-I
Mom told me that she didn't even realise that it was out of the house until Shannon told her I had it. I asked mom, if me taking something out of her house sounded right to her, and she said no. I told her to trust her instincts. She told me, "I gotcha. " I could hear her smile through the phone.
Owen wanted to talk to her on the phone, so I told him ok. As soon as he got on the phone he said, " Hi Granny *****. You're being mean to your daughter and that's not nice, so don't do that." I told him to tell her he loves her (because she and I got it all settled and I didn't want her upset again). Then he started talking regular kid talk with her and blew her kisses over the phone and gave it back to me. She didn't understand the first part of what he said, so I went ahead and told her what he said and that he was really upset that momma was crying and almost inconsolable. I think it was then, that she "saw" the ripple effect of her actions. She apologized again. I accepted it.
So everything is better now. I appreciate the prayers. This is a perfect example of people stirring the pot, when they have no business being in the kitchen. hmmm, yet another thing to keep in mind...
Well, she finally got me on the phone. I didn't want to call her because I knew we would have a fight; and I didn't want to fight with my mother. Sure enough, just as I expected, she wouldn't listen to me and she started screaming at me, true to my mothers' form. I hung up on her. I'm a grown woman and my hearing is still intact, even after 8 ruptured eardrums and tons of loud music in the 80's and 90's (and occasionally these days when I have the car to myself. :-D) I don't need to be yelled at and I don't have to take it anymore.
Thankfully, I don't live in her house anymore. She'd say the same thing too.
Anyway, I called David. Again, like last time, she cut me to the bone. I told Dave that I wanted to change my phone number so she couldn't get a hold of me. I couldn't take it anymore, that she was breaking my heart. With me being this upset, it made Owen upset to see his mommy crying. In his 4 1/2 year old way, he tried to "fix" it. (He's such a little man.) Dave was wonderful and supportive, as usual. He always knows what to say.
While I was talking to Dave, mom called and left a message. She said she was sorry (which is a huge deal, she almost never apologizes) and to call her back. I took a BIG breath and readied myself for the onslaught. I called her back and like a good girl, I apologized for yelling back (I screamed an unrecognizable word into the phone just before I hung up on her, not proud of that...). She said if I had just called her right back, we could have settled this matter days ago. True. I told her that I didn't want to fight with her and at the time I was so angry and hurt by her that I couldn't speak to her. We settled the details about the silver. I told her that if she would feel better, she could have it back when we come down for Paul's funeral. (David is adamant that we shouldn't have to make a special trip to give her back something that she gave us almost 10 years ago. He said, "If she wants it, She has to come and get it." He's right of course.)
She told me to keep it. She was just really upset that I would take it out of her house when she wasn't there. Now here is where she was totally screwed up in the details. I told her 4 times that she was there and so was Dad, Dave, Kathey, Paul, Sarah, Shannon, she had a full house when she gave us the box; and that she was handing it over so she "wouldn't forget". I told her that I don't go to her house unless she and Daddy are there. (It's a 1 1/2 hour trip, one way.) I told her, what's the use in me coming to her house when they weren't there? She seemed to find the sense in the utterance, Thank you God!
Of course all the time I'm talking to her I'm crying off and on. I told her how bad it hurt me that "My own mother doesn't trust me and accuses me of stealing from her." and "That she is breaking my heart." "The box of silver is just stuff and what I really want is my mother, I love my mother, not the box of stuff."
I think she heard me at last. She told me that I was the only one who did want her around. I told her that she is my mom and I'll always love her, no matter what.
Well after that, the conversation turned into how she came to the conclusion that I took it without her knowledge. Come to find out, (dahn,dahn, daaaahhhhnnnn) my nosy ass niece, Shannon, told her I had the silver, but didn't tell mom the whole truth, which was that Mom GAVE it to me forever ago. So of course, that got mom all roiled-up and upset. (Shannon, if you are reading this, you need to stop doing that. It's NOT good for mom's health and NOT good for our relationships with her.) btw: I'm not mad at you Shan, just tired of this repeat behavior. :-I
Mom told me that she didn't even realise that it was out of the house until Shannon told her I had it. I asked mom, if me taking something out of her house sounded right to her, and she said no. I told her to trust her instincts. She told me, "I gotcha. " I could hear her smile through the phone.
Owen wanted to talk to her on the phone, so I told him ok. As soon as he got on the phone he said, " Hi Granny *****. You're being mean to your daughter and that's not nice, so don't do that." I told him to tell her he loves her (because she and I got it all settled and I didn't want her upset again). Then he started talking regular kid talk with her and blew her kisses over the phone and gave it back to me. She didn't understand the first part of what he said, so I went ahead and told her what he said and that he was really upset that momma was crying and almost inconsolable. I think it was then, that she "saw" the ripple effect of her actions. She apologized again. I accepted it.
So everything is better now. I appreciate the prayers. This is a perfect example of people stirring the pot, when they have no business being in the kitchen. hmmm, yet another thing to keep in mind...
posted by M at 3:54 PM
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