My Own Brand of Therapy

Everybody has something that makes their spirit soar. Mine as you all know by now is music. I think part of why I'vebeen in such a sad place in my head is because I've been denying myself the joy of music.

I've been so concerned about annoying my family with my singing or not giving myself permission to just shut myself off in a room and just let the voice fly, that I've lost some of who I am. I used to just close my bedroom doors and sing for hours with the radio or cassette tapes when I lived at home with my parents. It never occured to me that they would mind. They didn't. Mom told me a few years ago that she missed her nightly concerts. I wouldn't sing until the tape was over. I'd sing for four to five hours at a time. I'd have several to choose from and put one in right after the other. I shared a bedroom with my niece for years and she said she missed it too, being sung to sleep by me and Boston, Def Leppard, Heart, Duran Duran, White Lion, Enya or Yaz.

I stopped doing that when I got married. I didn't think Dave would want to hear it. That was pretty stupid on my part. We met in choir, so it wasn't like he didn't know that I could sing well. He just recently told me that he doesn't mind when I sing in the dark. That's my very favourite thing to do, sing in the dark, nothing but you, the music and a rocking chair. No interuptions, just melody, beat, rhythm of the rockin motion of the chair. Fast, slow, depending on the speed of the song.

I discovered how much I miss singing with people who can really sing. The church choir gig is okay, but most of those people have never been properly trained. By this I mean, that they haven't been taugh to sit up straight, support from the diaphragm, breathe from the belly instead of shallow breathing from the shoulders. They won't sing out. The have either no technique or are just lazy. Lazy singers make me go mad! I love these people, but come on, have some pride in what you do!

This past weekend, we went to a friends son's birthday party. The usual crew was there. Our friends Shane & Katrina, their boys Andrew(5), Jacob(3), Shane's parents, Katrina's parents, Trina's sister, her hubby and their teenage daughter, Trina's brother and his teenage sons, Shane's sister, her hubby and their 2 kids, plus Sam(whose real name is Mark), Dave, Owen(4.5) & myself.

When we walked through the door, the usual pre-birthday party hustle and bustle was going on in the kitchen with all the women. Pretty typical for the south. The men were in the living room(which is an extension of the kitchen-open floor plan, really nice.) playing their guitars and Shane on the electric bass.

There was no room in the kitchen, so I went around to the LR to listen to the guys play. Then Katrina came in and picked up her mandolin and started playing along with them. She and her dad used to play at church revivals. There style was blue grass gospel. Really beautiful.

They were going through a song book and asking for requests, so I piped up and asked for "When Will I Be Loved". An old Buddy Holly tune that was remade by Linda Ronstadt in the 70's. Trina didn't know it and so she asked me to start it. So I did. When we finished, Trina's Dad said, "Girl, you've been holdin' out on us."

I took that as my invitation to join on in. I haven't been that relaxed or happy in years. Kids playing together, plenty of other adults in the place to watch them. Singing for about four hours with only one interuption for cake, ice cream and presents. Even Dave joined in. He's pretty good too.

Imagine if you will, an electric lead guitar, bass, acoustic guitar and a mandolin players and up to 5 singers all in perfect harmony. I had forgotten just how good we all sounded together. Sometimes I would sing the melody. Other times I'd sing harmony while Katrina or her dad had the melody. Then there was alot of it where Katrina and I would pick different harmonies to sing while her dad sang the melody. It was heaven or at least as close as I can get to it here on earth.

I didn't realise how much I missed that and them. Trina mentioned later that evening after the boy had to be stripped down to nothing because he was so dirty that he couldn't be put in the car without a bath(good times), that she was so happy to have somebody to sing harmony with her. I was too!

I told her in between one of the songs that we all needed to pack up and hit the road for the tour! Shane always said that if he ever toured to support his cd that he'd take all the musicians who recorded on it. That's me too! Back when we were all in school together Shane cut a cd and he asked me and others to perform on it. I sang back up in several songs.

I loved singing with a group who had never sung together before and having the sound be pheonominal with zero practice. If we all had sung together before then, imagine just how much better we all would have been. It boggles the mind, or at least my mind.

It was the best therapy session I've ever had.