Breakthrough
I've just had what I would call a major breakthrough.
I had had enough of my soup and even though there were only maybe ten bites left, I threw it away. Normally, I would make myself miserable with those last bites, as to not waste the food, which in my mind equals money. I just didn't want to have those extra calories, fat, sugar, salt, etc. in my body.
I'm not turning bulimic or anything, but I'm paying attention to my body when it says, "Hey Babe, you're full. Stop eating." I was always taught to "clean your plate." Mom taught it to me, the nuns and teachers re-inforced it at school. We were all taught to eat your food. I still say it to my son, but then I follow up with, "but if you are full, you can stop eating."
I'm trying so hard to not to teach him to be an emotional eater, the way his father and I are. I've talked to him about it, that food is just food, not love, acceptance or a reward. It has taken me since March to replace food as my comforter. The walking has replaced it, but since I've been off of the walk from being ill, the food is trying to take back its place. It helps to see that my muscles are still in pretty good shape, so that keeps me from binging. Also, the fact that I know just how much work it takes to burn off that fat and make those muscles look so good.
Because I didn't eat much while I was sick, my stomache has shrunk and won't take in near the amount that it once could hold. That was a blessing in disguise. Now I am listening to myself AND taking the appropriate action neccesary to lose the extra 90+ pounds that I have left to get rid of.
Dumping the rest of my lunch and not feeling guilty about it is a first step to putting me first instead of always running dead last in importance. I am important and I'm just sorry that it took me 37 years for me to figure it out.
I had had enough of my soup and even though there were only maybe ten bites left, I threw it away. Normally, I would make myself miserable with those last bites, as to not waste the food, which in my mind equals money. I just didn't want to have those extra calories, fat, sugar, salt, etc. in my body.
I'm not turning bulimic or anything, but I'm paying attention to my body when it says, "Hey Babe, you're full. Stop eating." I was always taught to "clean your plate." Mom taught it to me, the nuns and teachers re-inforced it at school. We were all taught to eat your food. I still say it to my son, but then I follow up with, "but if you are full, you can stop eating."
I'm trying so hard to not to teach him to be an emotional eater, the way his father and I are. I've talked to him about it, that food is just food, not love, acceptance or a reward. It has taken me since March to replace food as my comforter. The walking has replaced it, but since I've been off of the walk from being ill, the food is trying to take back its place. It helps to see that my muscles are still in pretty good shape, so that keeps me from binging. Also, the fact that I know just how much work it takes to burn off that fat and make those muscles look so good.
Because I didn't eat much while I was sick, my stomache has shrunk and won't take in near the amount that it once could hold. That was a blessing in disguise. Now I am listening to myself AND taking the appropriate action neccesary to lose the extra 90+ pounds that I have left to get rid of.
Dumping the rest of my lunch and not feeling guilty about it is a first step to putting me first instead of always running dead last in importance. I am important and I'm just sorry that it took me 37 years for me to figure it out.
posted by M at 12:15 PM
2 Comments:
I understand, i could not have tried to look after myself in my twenties. strangely i can do it now
It's amazing how much longer the growing up process takes than we thought it would.
And I really hate the whole"I'm discovering myself" thing. It sounds so fake and most of the people who use it are too(thinking of one person in particular and not anyone who comments on my blog...).
The thing that really galls me is the fact that as you get older, you really DO learn more about yourself. I just don't think it should be used as a crutch. That's just me...
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